Monday, November 28, 2005

No News Here

OK, I know this will come as exactly no surprise to you, but I just have to say it: Paul McCartney is such a useless fucking twat.
Sir Paul, and his wife Heather, looked aghast and close to tears as they watched the footage for a special report for the BBC's Six O'clock News to be screened on Monday.


"This is barbaric. Horrific," said Sir Paul.

"It's like something out of the dark ages. And they seem to get a kick out [of] it. They're just sick, sick people.

"I wouldn't even dream of going over there to play, in the same way I wouldn't go to a country that supported apartheid. This is just disgusting. It's just against every rule of humanity. I couldn't go there."
What's that, you say? Has political consciousness ripened so far? Can Sir Paul be supporting the Israeli boycott? Mmm, no. That would be the Chinese boycott you didn't know about because there isn't one, but which Sir Wings is trying to start because he saw a video of some horrid Chinese people torturing some poor defenseless widdel dogs and cats.

And lest you assume this is just the flash-in-the-pan divertissement of an edemic, psychotically affluent celebrizombie who's outlived the era of his remotest creative relevance by some mortifying half-dozen multiples and who spends his days in a clammy welter of desperation to retain the affections of his earnest, animal-lovin', daughter-aged wifebunny, well, just you think again:
Sir Paul McCartney has written to Martin Beaumont, the Co-op’s Chief Executive, urging him to give the store’s ethical claims meaning by immediately ending the sale of all factory-farmed duck meat.
That's right. It's about commitment, people.

Thursday, November 17, 2005

Ooh, Another Shatteringly Effective MoveOn In-Home Activity!

Hey kids! Stuck inside on a rainy, politically-apocalyptic afternoon? Don't despair! MoveOn.Org, Militant Arts 'n' Crafts Wing, is here to fire up your doldrums with a flurry of faux-folksy 'grassroots' engagement-style activity, complete with the cozy illusion of political effectiveness. And the best part is, you finally have an excuse to figure out how to use that fancy digital camera you couldn't resist buying last season. Behold, the MoveOn 'Face America' Photo Petition:
We're aiming to collect thousands of photos of ordinary Americans with homemade signs, asking Congress to oppose the Republican plan to cut services for poor while handing tax breaks to the rich. To make sure you're heard, we'll deliver every photo to every member of Congress before the final vote and run some as online ads in the newspapers Congress reads.

Joining the "Face America" photo petition is easy. Just write a simple message on whatever is handy, grab a digital camera, point and shoot.

Aim for short, easy to read messages like:

Stop the reverse Robin Hood budget!
Hands off Medicaid, food stamps and student loans!
No empty plates this Thanksgiving!
Don't rob the poor to give to the rich!
Be creative!

If you've benefited from any of these programs, make your message personal, like Don't cut my student loans! or Hands off my health care!

Feel free to get the whole family in the picture—the more of us there are, the more powerful our message will be.
Good times indeed. And if you've benefited from these programs, what are the odds of your being in a position to 'grab a digital camera' and get in on the fun?

But never mind that. What matter such quibbles in the face of the political juggernaut soon to bear down on Capitol Hill in the form of 39 pictures of middle-class white people with magic markers?

Where There's Smoke...

OK, we've all known for some time that the US is using white phosphorus in Iraq, against both its own claims and the specific prohibition of the Chemical Weapons Convention.

So far as I've seen the response on the part of the administration to these revelations has been more or less, 'Yeah? What if we did? Which we didn't. But if we did, whatcha gonna do about it?' It appears now, though, with their approval ratings splashing about merrily in the septic tank, they feel they have to come up with something a bit more seeming-to-care than that, and they've gone so far as to, hang on to your hats, admit they used them.

Tiny, barely-audible fallout ensues. Luckily, they've got the spokesman for the Organization for the Prohibition of Chemical Weapons on their side, ready with this handy bit of impenetrable sophistry:
The CWC is monitored by the Organisation for the Prohibition of Chemical Weapons, based in The Hague. Its spokesman Peter Kaiser was asked if WP was banned by the CWC and he had this to say:

"No it's not forbidden by the CWC if it is used within the context of a military application which does not require or does not intend to use the toxic properties of white phosphorus. White phosphorus is normally used to produce smoke, to camouflage movement.

"If that is the purpose for which the white phosphorus is used, then that is considered under the Convention legitimate use.

"If on the other hand the toxic properties of white phosphorus, the caustic properties, are specifically intended to be used as a weapon, that of course is prohibited, because the way the Convention is structured or the way it is in fact applied, any chemicals used against humans or animals that cause harm or death through the toxic properties of the chemical are considered chemical weapons."
Ahahahaha. OK. I get it. So if, for instance, you are angering me, and I throw a knife at your head, not with the specific intent to utilize its pointy stabbing properties, but in fact intending to create a cooling breeze to fan you (did I forget to mention earlier that it's a warm day?), am I legally and morally exempt from the sequelae of its impaling you through the eyeball? 'Cause if so, ok. At least we know where we stand.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

Someone At The Guardian Was Snoozing Last Night

They appear to have accidentally printed an editorial that says
...Palestinians are one people, whether living under military occupation or in refugee camps. They have a right to self-determination, and they have fought hard for their liberty for generations, which is also a right. For a people to negotiate their way out of an occupation by diplomatic means alone, when the occupier is determined to hold on to their land, has no successful precedent.
And also
This is not a conflict healed by providing economic recovery to Palestinians, since their impoverishment is entirely due to an entrenched and permanent military occupation. It is not a holy war against Palestinian terrorists who seek the destruction of the Israeli state, nor excited speculation on the role a new Israeli Labour party leader might play. This is a battle over the right to call this conflict a conflict between two peoples: one that is oppressed, and the other that is denying them their right to be free.
And by a former PLO member, no less. I don't know what they were thinking. Surely heads will roll.

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Not To Put Too Fine A Point On It

If Hillary Rodham 'The Israeli Apartheid Wall "Is Not Against The Palestinian People"' Clinton were to contract leprosy and be forced to live out her benighted days shunned by humanity, ringing a bell and shying away from sharps and open flames, cosmic justice could not be said to have miscarried.

Thanks to WII.

AnaCondi 2: Scowl Meaner

Whee! La Rice is back in the Middle East, with her Magic Lucite Wand of Democracy and her Travelin' playlist of Joni Mitchell and Metallica. You can't really see it, but under that homicidal mien she's bopping like Cyndi Lauper.

And why not, really? She's come to ask Syria to stop the 'arbitrary detention' of 'prisoners of conscience', and there's nothing like that kind of righteous mission for Freeman Moxie to warm the cockles of a handmaiden of despotism.

It's funny though, I can't shake the feeling that I've just heard somebody else talking about this same damn thing. Must be one of those random déja vu hiccups.

Serpentina also mentioned that 'Washington continued to support what she described as the aspirations of Syria's people for liberty, democracy and justice.' And the Syrian people are all, 'Er, um, yeah, about that. Jesus fuck please please god no. We're fine here with our tyranny and undemocracy and all. Really. Really. Fine. Here, take this sacrifice of virgin unblemished white sheep and swallow them whole. Take our oil. Take Lebanon. Just please, dear christ please don't liberate us, Madam Snakelady. Please.'

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