Vegetal Torture At Tropical Resort Paradise
Great news, guys, we can all calm down about conditions at Gitmo. The House of Representatives has paid a call, and they say things are much better now.
I mean, they watched the interrogation of three whole prisoners, and '[n]one of the detainees was physically touched'!
On the other hand, one of those interrogations consisted of the detainee being 'read a Harry Potter book aloud for hours,' about which surely Amnesty would have something sharp to say. The most sophisticated tortures require no laying on of hands.
Much more damningly, disturbing intelligence from the legislators revealed that the inmates are being fed okra. Comrades, to arms! For god's sake, get those poor helpless victims out of there!