Wednesday, May 04, 2005

Psychosis On Toast

Breakfast rendered a shade ashes-in-the-mouthy this morning (a shame, too, I'd fixed a lovely fruit salad, strawberries and everything) by a bumper crop of news items prominently featuring Person's Inhumanity To Person:

1) A 64-year-old woman has been arrested over the discovery of no less than 3 decomposed baby corpses, wrapped in towels and bin bags and sealed in old suitcases, in the attics of two different houses. Where did she get them? Why did she kill them? Having killed them, why did she keep them? An eternity of ick, really.

2) Tony Benn has been dragooned into making calls for Labour. It's just awful. He's like a battered wife: 'To have them ring me to help them out, well it shows this election means Labour is returning to what it was.' No love, it really, really doesn't. You can't change him.

3) The former communist leader of Poland strongly implies that, when exchanging the customary solidarity-evincing kiss of greeting affected by Soviet bloc leaders, Erich Honecker slipped tongue.

4) A 34-year-old mother of two admitted killing a 58-year-old grandmother in a row over a parking space. The younger woman, Carol McMillan, jumped out of the passenger seat of her Land Rover (as the Guardian is interestingly careful to specify--touch of class self-hatred there?) and tried to block the older woman's husband from moving his car (of unspecified make) into the space, in which his wife, Ann Whittle, was standing to save it (as one will do, little imagining one risks death by assault). Mrs. Whittle said they'd got there first, whereupon Ms. McMillan grabbed her by the hair and kicked her three times in the face. Mrs. Whittle promptly suffered a heart attack and died. I mean, jesus.

5) And finally, this necrotic blob of upsucking imperial-apologist Vichyesque pondscum from Max 'Hitler' Hastings.

Hey, you know what the greatest danger is? Apparently 'the greatest danger for those of us who dislike George Bush is that our instincts may tip over into a desire to see his foreign policy objectives fail.' Ha ha! Betcha didn't see that one coming!

Also, 'no reasonable person can oppose the president's commitment to Islamic democracy.' This is in fact quite true: in order for a reasonable person to oppose something, that thing should, properly speaking, exist.

Finally, give him due credit for brazenness, M'H'H cuts to the chase and spells it right the fuck out: 'We must respect American power, and also acknowledge that the world sometimes has much need of it.'

Pretty much nothing to add, really.

Maybe lunch will be cheerier.

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