Saturday, April 30, 2005

I Approve Of Extreme Fennel-Control Measures

A man has been hired to fly over the Californian island of Santa Cruz in a helicopter and shoot 3,000 feral pigs which have taken over the island's ecosystem and, among other, lesser crimes (like destroying ancient Native American archaeological sites, whatever), promoted the excessive growth of wild fennel.

Fennel being the official first runner-up in the Foulest Contrivance of Vegetal Nature stakes (I think I need not invoke the winner by name here), such a crisis clearly could not go unredressed. I heartily applaud the owners of the Channel Islands, the National Park Service and the Nature Conservancy for taking the necessary measures to curb this scourge. If pigs must die so our children can frolic in a world free of crunchy feathery aniseoid mank, so be it.

Once the piggies are laid low, 'the fennel will simply be burned, mowed and treated, never to return.' That's what I'm talking about.

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