Monday, April 25, 2005

Besmirch Ye Not the Petroleum Jelly, Lest Ye Be Smirched

I am genuinely bewildered by this furious yet strangely informative Vaseline rant of John Sutherland's in G2. Man is clearly highly exercised over something, but I'm damned if I can pin down exactly what.

Is it the whole Michael-Jackson-on-trial-for-paedophilia thing tout court? How else to interpret this rhetorical query: 'But does anyone think that even if guilty, and the convicted monster of Neverland spends the rest of his days banged up in a cell with a tattooed biker, any child in southern California will be safer?' Um, yes? Yes, I do?

Is it the notion that Jackson, when interfering with the verboten bits of vulnerable young boys, could have so far disregarded their wellbeing as to employ Vaseline, even though it 'does bad things to latex condoms and has other disadvantages as an intimate lubricant'? Truly, reason balks.

Or, given his extended, borderline hagiographic history of the industrial by-product in question, are we witnessing the fury of a man who will not stand idly by while pop stars and media trashhounds drag through the mud the sterling name of a product whose plastic tub they are not worthy to lick?

'Vaseline was so pure it was virtually Platonic'? Methinks perhaps old John is just a teeny bit too fond of his 'rod wax'.

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